divsca

Yesterday started out in the not-so-great camp. M was feverish Sunday night and had chesty, rattly cough (and laryngitis) so we opted to keep her home. I hadn't even showered when my parent arrived around 10:45am from Oceanside so I went ahead and got dressed for the evening though I knew I'd be getting some double-takes at work (and I did). M was chipper when I left, but then around 2pm she hit a low and was crying on the phone, asking me to come home for bedtime.

Ugh. Mommy guilt. I mean, she was in good hands with my parents, but she wanted me while she was sick and I couldn't be there. Luckily, her mood improved after some down time and some food, and my parents texted me later that she was doing fine.

I drove up to LA in the late afternoon to avoid traffic, and then did an emergency purchase of a handbag because my old one was ratty and tatty (literally - strings hanging off). I arrived at the Montage shortly before 6:30, checked in, and found that quite a few people were already there. There was a photo-op wall where Joss Whedon and Gloria Steinem were taking pictures with various guests of importance. I hid in the bathroom for the first few minutes, then re-emerged, got a glass of red wine and tried to appear like I belonged.

Eventually, I struck up a conversation with Helen who turned out to work for Equality Now. She knew my name (!) because she knew *every* name that night. Yes, there were only about 250-300 people in attendance. Helen introduced me to Yasmeen Hassan, the director of Equality Now, and then I ended up chatting with Shelby who works their DC office. Shelby eventually nudged me out of the nest, and I wandered a bit more and chatted with a random lady name Gisela.

After that, I lingered where I could admire the stars getting their pictures taken (Jada Pinkett Smith! Alyson Hannigan with Alexis Denisof!), and a stout middle aged woman said hello and that she noticed me wandering. We made our introductions, and she asked how I came to be there. When I told her I learned about Equality Now through one of Joss's old blog posts, she insisted that I must meet him. She turned out to be Jessica Neuwirth's sister (Jessica was one of the three women who started the organization), and she'd gone to middle school with Joss.

Anyway, with much trembling and trepidation, I MET JOSS WHEDON. I think I mostly thanked him for promoting women's causes and gushed generally. Ms. Neuwirth (whose first name I can't recall, boo!) had the presence of mind to take our photo together, for which I am so grateful. It's actually quite decent for a crappy camera pic.

By then it was time for dinner so I got over my adrenaline high with some food and listened to Paul Reiser's mostly funny, occasionally awkward, MC'ing. Gloria Steinem's speech was eloquent, impassioned, and filled with depressing facts that no one wants to hear but everyone should. Yasmeen's was mostly filled with thanking and acknowledging various people. Three teen girls did a reading of a piece that Joss had written using actual stories of girls that Equality Now has helped. Alyson Hannigan did a short, sweet, and fairly funny, intro to Joss.

He opened his speech with a tongue-in-cheek bit about the word feminist, then segued into why it would be better for society and feminism to have a word that's analogous to racism. I thought he made valid points, and of course, some lovely statements to the effect that you either see women as human beings or you don't. There really isn't any middle ground. He didn't make the best case for his word suggestion, "genderist," as in, "don't be a genderist," but it'll work as a concept for now I guess. My hind brain is busy thinking of a better word. I loved that he presented himself foremost as a writer and wordsmith.

Jessica Neuwirth also spoke, briefly, about a bit of the history of Equality Now, and the state of the world today. Colbie Caillat sang 3 songs, of which I recognized one (her biggest hit), while we ate dessert. She prompted people to get up and dance for the third song, which a bunch of the front tables did. I, of course, was way in the back, sitting next to a young girl who was visiting from Australia and had also made this her birthday gift. My other table mate was a girl who worked for an interesting social entrepreneurship organization and also had little connection to Hollywood, though she knew Yasmeen's son.

The big dancing number was the end of the evening in terms of the meal and formalities. It was only 9:30pm. I convinced my Australian table mate to come over and take her picture with Joss Whedon (paying it forward, I was). I managed to give out two contact cards, one to Shelby, the other to Shira my table mate, then I girded my loins and went over to shake Gloria Steinem's hand. She was amazing. I thanked her for all that she's done to advance women's equality, and she looks me right in eye and tells me she's gratified to hear it, but I must call her Gloria (I'd said Ms. Steinem). Charisma, she has it.

After that, there wasn't much to do so I gathered my things. People had cleared out quite a bit, and I noticed Alyson Hannigan not doing much. By the time I got over to say hello, someone was talking to her, but when they were done, I chatted with her for a good five or ten minutes. I told her my favorite aspect of Willow was not the powerful witch (which she had referenced in her intro speech), but the shy computer nerd since, well, I was one myself. And then we got on the subject of our kids, their interaction with computers, and how life is changing. Finally, I said thanks, asked her to say hello to Alexis Denisof who'd been standing next to her but facing the other way, and made my exit.

That was definitely a surreal way to top off a fantastic evening: me, having a normal conversation about parenting with Alyson Hannigan. Not something I had ever imagined would happen.

Pretty hard to come back to reality after a night like that. I'm still partially star struck, partially awed by the scope of what Equality Now does, and partially wishing I were more involved in the front lines of making change happen in this world.

I need to set up a website.

Happy (early, very early) Birthday to me!

I'm going to try this approach again because it worked well for me last year. First, a recap of "reclaim" from 2012. Keeping that word, and theme, in the back of my mind and also clearly outlining my goals and hopes for last year really worked. Not perfectly, of course, but well enough that it beat any typical new year resolutions.

I got Maya transitioned to a 9-3 schedule at school and then got myself on the same timetable for work. So far, it's been great, especially since I often get out to the park with her in the afternoons, and that is good for my soul. Yes, dinners are a bit more simple since I have to split my attention between cooking and Maya, but at least I *am* cooking. We've kept up "Daddy-Maya time" on many weekends, as well as Oceanside overnights once or twice a month, and both have been really helpful for my sanity and happiness. Reclaiming my fitness hasn't gone as well, but at least I did sign up at the gym back in October and for a while I managed to go at least once a week. I even managed to get some of my "icing" in that potty training is largely done, I had several weeks of travel (to the Midwest, India, and the Bahamas), and I hosted quite a few fun parties.

What's on my mind for this year? Writing, writing and more writing. I need to do it. I'm feeling my mortality, not in an old age or infirmity way, but simply that the clock is ticking and I can't afford to keep wasting time. I need to find ways to, in the words of Nike, Just Do It. Evenings are still tough, but if Maya moves up to the next room at preschool, her naps will get shorter or possibly go away, and that would allow me a little more free time at night. If that doesn't happen, I need to find an alternate solution that will at least give me a few hours each week to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard).

Regular exercise is still on the table. Yes, illnesses, holidays, and special occasions blew December and the first part of January out of the water, but I need to make a concerted effort to get back on track. The gym membership is still in effect, so I just need to find some motivation and commit to a regular schedule.

My performance at work has been sliding lately because there haven't been any high pressure deadlines. I want to find or create some interesting projects that I can work on and show some results. Otherwise I'll keep dawdling away my time on this or that little thing, or chasing down interesting links online, and my professional self respect will decline.

The best word I can think of for this year is commit. I take my commitments seriously, which means I also avoid taking them on unless I'm sure I can do it. I may never even start on an endeavor because I'm afraid I won't be able to follow through. Or worse, I do start something, but as soon as I fail to keep it up, I drop it like a hot potato instead of persevering.

It's like when I was mountain biking, I'd have to tell myself at the top of a challenging looking hill, "Commit or die trying." Better yet, to quote Master Yoda, "Do, or do not. There is no try."

Commit.

A friend of mine recently participated in One Little Word, and it got me thinking. What would I choose for a word for 2012? I couldn't come up with one off the top of my head so I decided to process my thoughts here and hope that a word emerges naturally.

What would I like to get out of this year? Foremost on my mind is reclaiming my household. I love my Mom and tremendously appreciate her help, but I'd like to have a sustainable lifestyle that doesn't involve having her live with us, take care of my kid for half the day, and cook dinner most nights. Sounds like a perfect setup, I know, and in some ways it has been, but I feel like I'm not running my own house. My hope is to get Maya settled in full days at school, which is only 9am-3pm, and cut back my hours at work so that I can pick her up after school. I know from experience on weekends that if I can give her some undivided attention and play time, then I can manage to cook dinner as well. Getting home by 3:30 every day would give me enought time to do that.

Something else I want to do is make time for myself. The Sundays in December that I left Maya home with Ryan worked out really well, and I'm going to try hard to continue doing that this year. It's good for Ryan because he doesn't get much time with Maya during the week (and even if he is home, she's often cranky and wants only me or my Mom at night or early morning). It's been good for me because I get some much needed alone time, and it's even been good for Maya as she's a bit more independent on those Sunday evenings. She learns that Daddy knows how to take care of her needs so she's more likely to go to him when she's not at her best. I get to make up work time, or go shopping, or see a movie, or just have a long lunch with myself and a good book. All good things for my introverted soul.

Fitness or exercise is the third major item I need to work on. Between pregnancy and having a demanding baby and full time work, I have made zero time to exercise regularly. It's not possible to do so after Maya goes to sleep at night (9:30pm!!), and similarly, it doesn't work in the early morning because once I leave bed, Maya doesn't sleep for very long. So: midday. But how to reconcile that with needing to be home? My thinking is that my "alone Sundays" could include an hour at the gym. That's once a week which is, literally, infinitely better than zero. I'd love to do another two days during the work week, which I could justify as long as I make up the lost work time. That could happen if I pick one day a week to stay late at work (maybe even Fridays), and have my Mom or Dad do school pickup that day. I'm sure they'd love to have time with Maya on a regular basis like that.

Icing on the cake? Taking what I got out of NaNoWriMo and devoting a night a week to writing. Hosting more fun events with our kiddie friends. Getting outdoors and hiking. Potty training for Maya. Travel to Copenhagen (to see family) on the way to India (critical).

What does it all come down to? The theme seems to be one of bringing back pieces of my life that have slipped away due to having a baby, and to integrate those pieces in a way that fits with parenthood.

"to rescue from an undesirable state; to restore to a previous natural state"

Reclaim.

http://www.jinx.com/minigeeks/baby

Is it wrong that I totally want these?

It. Is. 2009.

That means next year is 2010. Gah!!!!!!

Where are the space hotels, godammit? Where is my awesome life?

The new year has rolled in, and I'm ready to make some changes. Last year was lots of fun, but in the end I only checked off one thing from my list of life "to-dos", and that was hiking to the top of Half Dome. It's been two years since any major travel. It's been two months since my writing experiment. The backyard project is almost done and will be taking up less of our time and thought.

After several years of "I don't know what's coming," and no resolutions, I'm ready to take control of my life and kick myself in the pants.

1. I will write at least 3 nights a week. Goal: 50,000 words by the year end.
2. I will maintain or improve my physical fitness (the muscles held up suprisingly well in Mammoth last week).
3. I will take a vacation that involves real travel, overseas or cross-country.
4. I will read more than one book - it's pathetic that I could only think of *one* that I'd read last year.
5. I will not expect to have a meaningful or fulfilling career as an engineer (I'll just stick with lucrative, thankyouverymuch).

Regarding that last item, every job has started with promise and, one way or another, fizzled out. Either I have bad luck, poor job selection skills, or else "it's me, not you". I'm beginning to strongly suspect the third case is the true one. I can't make myself have passion and enthusiasm for this type of work, and I keep hoping that I'll be busy enough that it won't matter, but even that doesn't seem to pan out. It's time to stop dreaming about getting out and get serious about using the money as the fuel for what I really want.

The last few years had a lot of coasting along and having fun, but I'm tired of feeling regretful every time I look inward. Other than my marriage and my education, there isn't much that I'm proud of, and life isn't going to drop a sense of accomplishment in my lap. No more excuses.

When the first of my friends' parents passed away from age, I knew I was turning a corner in life. No longer were we kids, even if we would always be children. Now, a second corner has passed far sooner than I ever imagined it would.

That a young man, always so full of life, should go quietly in the night with no notice and no witness...I have no words for that, only shock and sadness. He was always kind to others, more so than he was to himself. I will miss the rib-crushing hugs, the great grin, the soft voice and the roar.

So long, Phil.

Voting for the first non-white president in US history is pretty damn cool. I could've voted for a woman instead (the Green Party ticket), but she would be much less likely to win.

*fingers crossed*

I just ate a Dove Promises chocolate, and the following message was printed inside the wrapper:

Listen to your hearbeat and dance.

Dad's 60th birthday party went off well. It was a good thing we bought a Wii 'cuz the one kid (age 7) had no company and would've been bored to tears without it! In spite of asking for no gifts, he got plenty of good loot, inlcuding an ipod from my Mom. We gave him a GC to REI so he can shop for half-dome backpacking gear. :)

Work has been kicking my ass, but not so much due to long hours as that I have to time-share on the new board. I have to cram in almost a day's worth of work into half a day in the lab. It's intense.

We ordered a new couch for the living room. Hopefully we can sell the old one in time. We've also been talking to landscapers about redoing the back & front yards. Looks like the total dream yard is out of our budget (what's new), but we'll at least end up with a spa, a nice cooking area, and better hardscaping.

This weekend is catch up time, and next weekend is the Gordian reunion party (at our house). After that, our hosting duties are over for a while, but the summer social calendar kicks into high gear. I really wish I was going to Maui in may for my friend's wedding - I could use a vacation!